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craziness
February 2009 
Essay posted earlier!
Posted on Nov 19th, 2008
by 
Jackie
Jackie
So that essay I posed earlier I am using for the scholarship competition here on Gaia and the word requirement is 250 words or less...yea that essay was 271. It was pure TORTURE taking out 21 words.
But I DID IT, yea for me!
I'm not even sure I'm going to send it, actually. I know there will be a lot of people to apply, many with dreams for the world that may actually be attainable.
I know that not many people actually look at my blog...so I can just blab to it then. Maybe I should keep a journal...
I've never been able to make a difference, anywhere. I've tried and failed. I couldn't even save my family. The idea that I could ban people together for change is nuts. Normally when I come up with a pretty good idea someone steals it and runs away! Lol! I guess with this type of thing I could actually care less. Does it matter where the idea comes from as long as something gets done with it?
I've always felt like there is something inside me waiting to pop out. I asked Meenakshi about this. Turns out I'm not crazy, its just my energy. Well thats nice. Now what do I do with it??? (That thought didn't come till a little later - I was happy with the not crazy part for a bit.)
I was reading a thread about how everything starts in our minds and if enough people ban together for a cause they can make it happen. I'm looking, I'm looking!! This is a great site, maybe I will plant a seed in enough people. My problem -
I got this folks, I got this -
my problem is my lack of faith in people.
I feel as if I am not the one to make the change then who will? The change will come, it has to, wether or not I am the one to do it. My resolution for the the New Year...aw, hell, now, is that I will have faith in others.
But I DID IT, yea for me!
I'm not even sure I'm going to send it, actually. I know there will be a lot of people to apply, many with dreams for the world that may actually be attainable.
I know that not many people actually look at my blog...so I can just blab to it then. Maybe I should keep a journal...
I've never been able to make a difference, anywhere. I've tried and failed. I couldn't even save my family. The idea that I could ban people together for change is nuts. Normally when I come up with a pretty good idea someone steals it and runs away! Lol! I guess with this type of thing I could actually care less. Does it matter where the idea comes from as long as something gets done with it?
I've always felt like there is something inside me waiting to pop out. I asked Meenakshi about this. Turns out I'm not crazy, its just my energy. Well thats nice. Now what do I do with it??? (That thought didn't come till a little later - I was happy with the not crazy part for a bit.)
I was reading a thread about how everything starts in our minds and if enough people ban together for a cause they can make it happen. I'm looking, I'm looking!! This is a great site, maybe I will plant a seed in enough people. My problem -
I got this folks, I got this -
my problem is my lack of faith in people.
I feel as if I am not the one to make the change then who will? The change will come, it has to, wether or not I am the one to do it. My resolution for the the New Year...aw, hell, now, is that I will have faith in others.
Access: Public
Jackie; I think of this in another way, specially because I am so often disappointed in people but have unswerving faith in “the rightness of things.”
Having faith in others, is having faith in our own ability to attract the best that there is in those around us; having faith in being able to move away from situations and people that lower my vibration; having faith that I can indeed make everything happen…even allowing another to plant a seed in me!
[have you stopped revolving yet?]
[see? your blog does get read!!!]
Oddly enough, after writing this blog I felt like I settled a bit.
I like what you say, about moving away from sitituations that lower your vibes. So far I've done that the best in my life as I can. And….now I have no friends. I ditched my “fair weather” friends. I even ditched my parents (or maybe they ditched me first! ) Please, it doesn't sound as harsh as I make it out to be. There are many reasons. If I had to sum it up for anyone - they were all toxic to me. Maybe someday I will share more here, but for now I'll keep it.
I submitted my essays. Before I sent them off I even tried to give them good vibes, almost like imprinting myself to them. I guess I hope it will make the reader feel my intentions, even if the words aren't enough to express it all.
You're such an easy person to converse with Meenakshi. Is it because of your light?
I just think we're in sync. What a relief! Have been out of sync with many others, lately!
Hi,
I know you don't know me (YET!!!), but I just wanted to encourage you. I am fairly new to this site and through browsing came across your site. I read some of the things you've written and your willingnesss to help someone despite the hurt you've encountered is amazing. And your right who cares if someone copies your vision!?! I wish more people would. So… if you would like, we could believe in each other.
****L-O-V-E****Be Encouraged****Show L-O-V-E****and… Be Encouraging****
Aramis
Oh, I was inspired by you and so will many others. So don't say not many people will visit your site, because your heart drew me, and will draw otherrs.
Hi,
Jackie, You are heard! I listen to you and love the changes you bring to this site. I love what you bring for children and you are truly helping bring change. It is a process that once the seed is planted, we get to nurture it along to each final product.
Keep posting and let us know what's needed. You are surrounded by some cool friends. I sometimes have found that we are faith. Wild thought but that comes to my thoughts from time to time when my belief system gets out of stability for a minute.